EP #11 - Blue Collar Christmas

by The Bassturd

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#11 in a series of 20 EPs

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released December 1, 2006

Written, produced, mixed and mastered by The Bassturd

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The Bassturd Las Vegas, Nevada

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Track Name: Joyful Intro.
(Instrumental)
Track Name: Old School Xmas Wrap
THIS IS AN OLD SCHOOL CHRISTMAS WRAP
CHRISTMAS TIME IS STRAIGHT UP PHAT
PUT THE PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE
AND DECK THE HALLS WITH BALLS OF HOLLY
RUDOLPH HAS A SHINY NOSE
MY MAIN MAN FROSTY IS MADE OF SNOW
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE BUT IT'S WARM IN HERE
WE ARE FULL OF CHRISTMAS CHEER
I'M OLD SCHOOL CHRISTMAS WRAPPING
CHRISTMAS TIME IS FREAKING HAPPENING
SANTA CLAUS IS IN HIS SLEIGH
DELIVERING TOYS TO EVERYBODY
THE STOCKINGS HAVE BEEN HUNG WITH CARE
PEACE AND GOODWILL ARE IN THE AIR
WE WRAP AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
AND PASS THE MIC SO GRACIOUSLY

COME ON PARTY PEOPLE
GET INTO THE GROOVE
CHRISTMAS IS FUN FOR ME AND YOU
THE STRINGS OF LIGHTS HAVE ALL BEEN WIRED
CHESTNUTS ROAST ON AN OPEN FIRE
SANTA CACKLES "HO HO HO"
GET BUSY UNDER THE MISTLETOE
JOY TO THE WORLD IS WHAT WE SING
WHEN WE GO OUT CAROLING

BE MERRY TO ONE ANOTHER
IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME - WORD TO YOUR MOTHER
LET'S GO PLAY IN THE SNOW
AND KICK SOME RHYMES STRAIGHT OLD SCHOOL YO
I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS
PULL OUT MY PEN AND WRITE MY WISH LIST
I WISH CHRISTMAS HAPPENED EVERYDAY
I WISH FOR PEACE AND HARMONY

DASH THROUGH THE SNOW IN AN OPEN SLEIGH
I ROCK THE MIC THE OLD SCHOOL WAY
I GOTTA SAY IT'S PLAIN TO SEE
THE WHOLE WORLD IS REJOICING
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
WITH SOME FRESH BEATS SO WE CAN GET DOWN
THE PARTY IS BUMPING
PEOPLE ARE DANCING
REINDEER ON THE ROOFTOP PRANCING

LOOK DEEP INSIDE AND YOU WILL SEE
THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS G
LIKE CHARLIE BROWN'S CHRISTMAS TREE
IT HAS A CERTAIN SUBTLE BEAUTY
CHRISTMAS WRAPPING IS WHERE IT'S AT
IT'S LIKE THAT AND THAT'S A FACT
SO COME ON EVERYBODY - LET'S HERE YOU SAY
HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS DAY
Track Name: O Holy Shit
DUDE HOLY SHIT
THE PIGS HAVE US SURROUNDED
SOME MOTHER FUCKER MUST HAVE RATTED US OUT
QUICK GRAB YOUR GAT
AND PUT ON YOUR BODY ARMOR
I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN GET SENT BACK TO THE PEN

THIS CRYSTAL METH THAT WE HAVE MANUFACTURED
ALLOWED US TO PROFIT HANDSOMELY

FUCK THE POLICE
I CAN HEAR THE CAPTAIN'S VOICE
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
OR WE WILL OPEN FIRE
O' DIE YOU FUCKING PIGS DIE
YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE
Track Name: My Brain Gave Me Away
MY BRAIN GAVE ME AWAY
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO KEEP A SECRET ON CHRISTMAS DAY
BECAUSE MY BRAIN GIVES ME AWAY
BY COMMUNICATING WITH MY BODY
MAKING MY MOTIVES VERY EVIDENT
AND MY INTENTIONS MORE VISIBLY SO
SO ANYONE THAT HAS HALF A MIND TO DO SUCH
READS ME LIKE A BOOK

FOR EXAMPLE JOHNNY KNEW THAT HE'D BE GETTING FROM ME
A THREE VOLUME DVD SET
OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS COPING
WITH BESTIALITY
Track Name: Blue Collar Christmas
THE PLANT IS CLOSED FOR TWO WEEKS
I'M GETTING SOME PAID LEAVE
LOAD THE DOGS INTO THE TRUCK AND HIT THE ROAD
IT'S ANOTHER BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS IN THE HEART OF THE HEARTLAND
SWITCH ON THE FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE AND BARREL THROUGH THE SNOW ON MY WAY HOME

BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS
I'LL BE HOME
BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS
I'LL BE HOME
BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS

EVERYONE IS IN A GOOD MOOD EVEN THOUGH TIMES ARE TOUGH
WE EAT SOME HAM AND WATCH SOME FOOTBALL
WE GIVE EACH OTHER STUFF
I HEAD DOWN TO THE LOCAL PUB
KNOCK BACK A FEW WITH SOME OLD CHUMS
WE TALK ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES
AND IT MAKES ME SO GRATEFUL I'M HOME

BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS
I'M HOME
BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS
I'M HOME
BLUE COLLAR CHRISTMAS
I'M HOME
Track Name: The Token Christmas Miracle Song
CHRISTMAS DAY ARRIVED
I DIDN'T NO MONEY TO BUY GIFTS
BECAUSE I'M A DIRT POOR WHITE TRASH HICK
MY CHRISTMAS BONUS WAS RESERVED FOR THE
UNIONIZED PRICKS
NOW I CAN'T PROVIDE FOR MY WIFE AND MY TWELVE KIDS
OUR SPIRITS ARE LOW ON THIS COLD CHRISTMAS DAY
I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT BLOWING MYSELF AWAY
WHEN AT THAT MOMENT THERE CAME A TAPPING
UP ON THE ROOFTOP - THEN DOWN CAME CRASHING
OLD SAINT NICK AND HIS NINE FAITHFUL REINDEER
CUPID'S NECK SNAPPED UPON IMPACT
AND SANTA CLAUS SAID "HERE, TAKE THIS REINDEER AND EAT HIM LUNCH. MUNCH ON HIM FOR BREAKFAST AND SNACK ON HIM FOR BRUNCH."

THANK YOU LORD JESUS THIS MIRACLE CAME
ON CHRISTMAS DAY
THANK YOU LORD JESUS THIS MIRACLE CAME
ON CHRISTMAS DAY
Track Name: Guy Llama and The Bassturd - Santa Claus Is ______
YOU BETTER NOT SHOUT
YOU BETTER NOT CRY
YOU BETTER NOT POUT
I'M TELLING YOU WHY
SANTA CLAUS IS DEAD
Track Name: The Goo Of God
OUR LORD - OUR SAVIOR
HE WAS BORN IN A MANGER
A PRODUCT OF THE GOO OF GOD
NO ONE KNOWS FOR CERTAIN
THE DATE OF HIS BIRTH
SO INCONCLUSIVE DEBATES RAGE ON
OVER THE EXACT DATE ON WHICH MARY GAVE BIRTH TO THE GOO OF GOD

SOME CLAIM THAT IN 4 B.C.
MARY GAVE BIRTH TO THE FIRST CHRIST BABY
SOME CLAIM IN A MANGER
SOME CLAIM IN A STABLE
SOME EVEN CLAIM THAT THE WHOLE THING IS A FABLE
SOME CLAIM THERE WERE WISE MEN
SOME CLAIM THERE WERE SHEEP
SOME CLAIM THAT THE BABY SPOKE TONGUES IN HIS SLEEP

WE CELEBRATE THE GOO OF GOD
WE CELEBRATE THE GOO OF GOD

BE JOYFUL BE MERRY
IT SEEMS ARBITRARY
THE BIRTHDAY OF THE GOO OF GOD
SYMBOLIC IN MEANING
WE'RE BOISTEROUSLY SINGING
TO HONOR THE DATE WE HAVE COME TO RECOGNIZE AS THE BIRTHDAY OF THE GOO OF GOD
WE CELEBRATE THE FICTIONAL BIRTHDAY OF THE GOO OF GOD
Track Name: Born In A Workshop
BORN IN A WORKSHOP
THAT MANUFACTURES TOYS
I BUST MY ELF HUMP
FOR UNGRATEFUL GIRLS AND BOYS
I'VE LOST THREE OF MY FINGERS BUILDING TOYS

THE FAT MAN IN THE RED SUIT
SAYS I'VE GOT A BAD ATTITUDE
I'M BITTER AND RESENTFUL
DUE TO THIS LIFE OF INDENTURED SERVITUDE
THERE AIN'T NO OSHA IN THE NORTH POLE
THE WORKSHOP IS DANGEROUS AND COLD
Track Name: Guy Llama and The Bassturd - Frosty
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
WAS A JOLLY HAPPY SOUL
WITH A BIG CRACK PIPE AND A BUTTON NOSE
AND TWO EYES MADE OUT OF SHIT
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN WAS AS JOLLY AS COULD BE
WE JOURNEYED THROUGH HELL, YEAH JUST ME AND FROSTY TAKING PCP

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME MAGIC IN THAT MUSHROOM PATCH THEY FOUND
FOR WHEN THEY PLACED THEM IN HIS MOUTH
HE BEGAN TO THRASH AROUND

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN WENT DOWN TO HELL ONE DAY
BUT HE DID NOT MELT BECAUSE SATAN SAID I'M KEEPING YOU FOR ETERNITY

RA BA DEE BUMP BUMP
LOOK AT FROSTY GO
RA BA DEE BUMP BUMP
OVER THE HILLS HE GOES