1. |
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WOULD YOU LIKE A SPRITE?
THAT WOULD BE ALRIGHT
I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU THE SAFETY FEATURES OF THE AIRCRAFT
YOU'RE SEAT CAN BE USED AS A RAFT
IF YOU STRAP IT TO YOUR CHEST
AND IF THE PLANE IS ON FIRE AND WE'RE PLUMMETING TOWARD THE EARTH AT 150 MILES PER HOUR A MASK WILL DROP DOWN AND PROVIDE YOU WITH OXYGEN
SO YOUR EARS WON'T POP WHILE YOU PLUMMET TO YOUR DEATH
NO ONE WANTS THEIR EARS TO POP WHEN THEIR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE THEIR EYES
YOUR DARKEST THOUGHTS AND DREAMS
ACCOMPANIED BY POPPING EARS
ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?
THIS IS THE WAY IT ENDS
THIS IS THE WAY IT ENDS
PANIC AND DISCOMFORT COMBINE UNPLEASANTLY IN YOUR MIND
AND THE TWO OF THEM MAKE YOU GO MOMENTARILY MAD JUST A FEW SECONDS BEFORE YOU HIT THE GROUND
WE'RE ALL GOING DOWN TOGETHER
THERE'S NO GETTING OUT ALIVE
WE'RE ALL GOING TOGETHER
THERE'S NO GETTING OUT ALIVE
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE
SO LET ME PLEASE STRESS ONCE AGAIN THAT YOU SHOULD REMAIN SEATED WHILE THE FASTEN SEAT BELT SIGN IS LIT
OH SHIT
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2. |
A Lot Of Baggage
02:32
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I'M CARRYING A LOT OF BAGGAGE AROUND
NOW THAT I WORK IN BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'M CARRYING A LOT OF BAGGAGE
NOW THAT I WORK AT THE AIRPORT
PAY MY UNION DUES
JUST LIKE ALL YOU DUDES DO
I PAY MY UNION DUES ON TIME
I PAY MY UNION DUES
JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU DUDES DO
I TAKE IN GREAT DEAL OF PRIDE IN PAYING
SOMETIMES I LOOK INSIDE THE BAGGAGE I LUG AROUND AND GET A PEAK AT THE PERSONAL LIVES OF THOSE WHO LEAVE THEIR BAGGAGE FOR ME TO LUG ABOUT THE TARMAC LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF WORKER DRONE
I'LL TAKE HOME
SOME THINGS I FIND IN THE BAGGAGE I CLAIM AS MINE
SOMETIMES I FIND THINGS I LIKE
SOMETIMES I LOOK INSIDE
I FIND I AM BLOWN AWAY BY WHAT I FIND INSIDE
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3. |
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DEAD FROM DAY ONE
YOU'RE MY GAY SON
I'M SO PROUD OF WHAT YOU'VE BECOME
DEAD FROM DAY ONE
THAT'S MY SLOGAN
DEAD FROM DAY ONE
YOU'RE MY GAY SON
I'M SO PROUD BOY OF WHAT YOU'VE BECOME
DEAD FROM GAY ONE
THAT'S MY SLOGAN
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN I DECIDED TO RUN FOR MAYOR?
I RALLIED THE TROOPS FOR MAYOR
I TOOK THEM ALL TO THE TOP OF THE WORLD
I QUIT SCHOOL WHEN I WAS FIVE
I SAW NO REASON - IT WASN'T GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE REAL WORLD THAT I INHABIT NOW
WORKING AS A SECURITY GUY AT THE AIRPORT
I WORK AT THE AIRPORT
LIKE THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER SONGS
ON THE THING ABOUT AIRPORTS
THAT WE'RE MAKING UP TODAY
WE SHOULD PUT MORE TIME AND THOUGHT INTO IT
BUT FUCK IT MAN - WE WROTE HITS
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4. |
Boarding Agent Blues
00:53
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COULD YOU PLEASE SHOW ME YOUR ID?
YOU'LL HAVE TO STEP OVER HERE WITH ME
SO I CAN SEARCH YOUR SHOES AND SEARCH YOUR BAGS
YOU KIND OF LOOK SHADY
OKAY YOU'RE CLEAR
AND
YOU CAN THEN GIVE ME YOUR TICKET AND GET ON YOUR WAY
I DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS THE PLANE
NO BOARDING FIRST-CLASS
NOW BOARDING GROUP FOUR
NOW BOARDING ALL THOSE WHO AREN'T TOO BORED TO FLY IN THE FRONT OF THE PLANE
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5. |
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THE LIGHTS NEVER GO OUT AT THE AIRPORT
PEOPLE COMING AND GOING ALL NIGHT LONG
IT'S MY JOB TO PICK UP AFTER THEIR MESSY ASSES
AND I DO IT WITH THE PRIDE OF A GOD
NEVER LET IT GET ME DOWN
WHAT I'M DOING HERE
MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE
FOR THOSE WHO TRAVEL BY AIR
I'M CLEANING THE AIRPORT UP
CLEANING IT UP REAL GOOD
I'M CLEANING THE AIRPORT UP
FOR THE WORLD TO ENJOY
BEEN DOING THIS FOR 37 YEARS
GONE THROUGH SOME HARD TIMES WORKING HERE
9-11 SURE GAVE US ALL A GOOD SCARE
BUT WE GOT OVER THAT, GOT BACK ON THE JOB
AND WE'RE STILL WORKING HERE
AT THE AIRPORT
CLEANING UP FOR THE WORLD
MAKING IT A BETTER PLACE
FOR THOSE WHO TRAVEL BY AIR
AT THE AIRPORT
WE ARE THE NOBLE GUARD
THE ONES WHO CLEAN OUT THE TOILETS
AND VACUUM UP THE CARPET
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6. |
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THERE'S A FIRE IN THE AIRPORT
EVERYBODY GET OUT
THERE'S A FIRE IN THE AIRPORT
THE AIRPORT IS BURNING DOWN
THE AIRPLANES CAN'T LAND
OR FIRE WILL CONSUME THEM
THERE'S A FIRE IN THE AIRPORT
THE AIRPORT IN HELL
WELCOME TO HELL INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
WHERE YOU GOING?
TO HEAVEN
I'M SORRY WE DON'T HAVE ANY FLIGHTS GOING THERE
BUT YOU CAN VISIT THE LAIR OF SATAN HIMSELF
WHEN YOU FLY HELL AIRLINES
THE CURRENT TEMPERATURE IN HELL INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT IS 285 DEGREES CELSIUS
THAT'S PRETTY FUCKING HOT FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONVERT CELSIUS TO FAHRENHEIT
THE AIRPORT IN HELL IS ON FIRE
EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES
RUN, RUN FOR YOU LIVES
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AT THE AIRPORT IN HELL DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU'RE DEAD
AND IT'S ON FIRE
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
UNLESS YOU'RE DEAD
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
THERE'S A FLIGHT THAT'S LEAVING AT 7AM THAT WILL TAKE YOU TO HEAVEN
THAT'S A FLIGHT THAT'S LEAVING AT 7PM THAT WILL TAKE YOU TO THE LAIR OF SATAN
SATAN
SATAN
SATAN
SATAN
CHECK YOUR BAGS WITH THE DARK LORD
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7. |
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EVERYDAY IS A PARTY UP IN THE PILOT'S LOUNGE
ALL THE PILOTS GO IN THERE AND CLOWN AROUND
EVERYDAY IS A BLAST IN THE PILOT'S LOUNGE
SOMETIMES STEWARDESSES COME IN THERE AND WE'RE LIKE "YOU GOTTA GET OUT"
IT'S THE PILOT'S LOUNGE
WHERE WE HANG OUT
IT'S WHERE THE PILOTS GO WHEN THEY AIN'T GOT NO FLIGHT TO GO ON
THE PILOT'S LOUNGE
WHERE WE HANG OUT
KNOCK BACK A FEW BEFORE PILOTING A 747 JET
ACROSS THE PACIFIC DRUNK
THE PACIFIC LOOKS GREAT DRUNK
YOU SHOULD FLY A PLANE OVER THE PACIFIC OCEAN
IN THE PILOT'S LOUNGE
WE HANG OUT
IN THE PILOT'S LOUNGE
WE POUND BOOZE
THEN WE GET TWISTED
AND PILOT OUR AIRCRAFT
WE JEOPARDIZE HUNDREDS OF LIVES EVERYDAY
THE PILOT'S LOUNGE IS DOPE
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8. |
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A LITTLE DITTY ABOUT HOMELAND SECURITY
IT'S ABOUT KEEPING US SAFE FROM ARAB TERRORISTS
AND I WORK HARD AS A FEDERAL MARSHALL
KEEPING MY EYES PEELED FOR ANYONE MYSTERIOUS
MYSTERIOUS ENOUGH TO BLOW UP AN AIRPLANE
MYSTERIOUS ENOUGH TO BLOW UP A BUILDING
MYSTERIOUS ENOUGH TO THINK THEIR GOD IS BETTER THAN MINE
MYSTERIOUS ENOUGH TO BLOW UP AN AIRPLANE
AND KILL ALL THOSE PEOPLE
MYSTERIOUS ENOUGH TO TAKE AWAY MY FREEDOM
FUCKING BIN LADEN
IF I EVER CATCH YOU
I'M GONNA POKE OUT YOUR EYES WITH MY PECKER
YOU MOTHER FUCKER
I LOVE AMERICA
I LOVE GOD AND I LOVE MY KIDS AND I LOVE ALL THE SHIT THAT I DID WHEN I WAS YOUNG
GOT NO REGRETS AND YOU BETTER FUCKING BET
WHEN I CATCH ANY MOTHER FUCKER THAT'S GONNA FUCK WITH MY COUNTRY
THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME
I'LL KILL YOU ALL IN THE NAME OF HOMELAND SECURITY
GOD BLESS AMERICA
AND FUCK ALL HER ENEMIES
SHE'S STRONG AND SHE'S PROUD
AND SHE'S FUCKING LOUD
AND BOISTEROUS AS SHIT
DON'T FUCK WITH HER
DON'T FUCK WITH AMERICA
GOD I LOVE AMERICA
I'LL KEEP MY COUNTRY FREE
GOD I LOVE AMERICA
GOD BLESS HOMELAND SECURITY
IT'S IN MY HANDS
IT'S UP TO ME
TO KEEP MY COUNTRY TERRORIST FREE
AND GODDAMMIT THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO EVEN IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME
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9. |
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SAW A LADY COMING IN FROM A FLIGHT FROM DENVER
SHE HAD A BAGGAGE UNDER HER ARM
CARRY-ON IT MUS HAVE BEEN
WE WALKED TO THE BAGGAGE CLAIM BECAUSE I HAVE THE SUITCASES ON THE CART
I HANDED HER BAG - SHE SMILED AND SHE SAID "HEY THANK YOU MAN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ME AFTER YOU GET OFF WORK IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE?"
IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE
WE'LL HAVE SOME BREW
FROM THE AIRPORT LOUNGE WE'LL RETREAT TO THE RESTROOM
IT'S GONNA BE CRAZY
FROM THE AIRPORT LOUNGE
IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE
IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE
AND WE MADE LOVE IN THE RESTROOM
IN THE HANDICAP STALL
IN THE HANDICAP STALL
IN THE HANDICAP STALL
IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE
IN THE HANDICAP STALL
IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE
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10. |
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(Instrumental)
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The Bassturd Las Vegas, Nevada
The Bassturd was born, and now occasionally plays music. He does not care for deep house or cucumbers. Influences include alcohol, cigarettes, psilocybin and cats.
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